Philippines' Sarina Bolden reacts after scoring her team's first goal during the Women's World Cup Group A soccer match between New Zealand and the Philippines in Wellington, New Zealand, on July 25.John Cowpland/The Associated Press
On Tuesday, World Cup newcomer the Philippines beat co-host New Zealand 1-0. It was the Philippines’ first for everything at a World Cup, women’s or men’s – first goal, first win, first shutout, etc.
Sounds like a great game. Too bad I couldn’t watch it. Not for lack of availability, but because I am not a vampire.
New Zealand-Philippines went off at 1:30 a.m. ET. The day’s other game started at 4 a.m.
It’s better on full tournament days when there’s an early and a late game. But the earlys are often too early (6 a.m.) and the lates too late (10 p.m.). This thing is being targeted locally at unemployed video-game obsessives and security guards on the graveyard shift.
None of the games in the round-of-16 will be played during what most people would consider waking hours. The final will go at 6 a.m. in this part of the country. Out West, it will be suitable for live viewing by werewolves and insomniacs.
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North America is not the centre of the world, but it is the centre of the women’s soccer world. It has produced the past two World Cup winners, and four of the past five Olympic gold medalists.
What do the Americas get for that? An event that starts after terrestrial TV shuts down.
One assumes most fans would like to see the Messi of women’s soccer, Alexia Putellas, play for Spain. But how many want to drive to work the next day on zero hours of sleep?
They could reincarnate John Bonham for one show only and if Zeppelin decided they couldn’t make it on stage until 4 a.m., I’d be like, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure the highlights will be on YouTube the next day.”
So this isn’t really a World Cup, is it? It’s more of a half-the-World Cup.
Granted, this is complaining for complaining’s sake. It’s not as if Australia and New Zealand can rewire their time zones to suit a soccer tournament.
But let’s remember this the next time some high-profile executive or player is banging on about too few people watching the women’s professional game on this continent.
There’s a reason they don’t open the Apple Store between midnight and whenever the sun rises during iPhone drops. If you can’t bring your product to market when potential customers are most curious about it, don’t be surprised at the results.
That’s the most basic form of marketing – get your product to market. In this part of the world – the part where most of the money and interest is – this World Cup is having a little trouble.
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The next level of marketing is compounding interest. It’s early days, but this World Cup is having difficulty with that, too.
Like all sports spectacles, World Cups are only tangentially about sports. Sports are everywhere, all the time. People are up to here with sports.
What great tournaments do is create buzz, which is then transformed into drama. This star hates that star. This player did this amazing/outrageous/infuriating thing. That player said something about it. If you want to see how this all turns out, start sleeping on the living room couch so that you can set an alarm for 3:55 a.m.
But nothing out of the ordinary has happened yet. Even the French have managed to keep it together, and they can usually be relied on for at least one good eruption.
A few people tried to start a thing about the Americans not belting out The Star-Spangled Banner with sufficient enthusiasm, but that didn’t catch any traction. Getting worked up about such things felt too 2019.
Then there was the thing where an Irish player wouldn’t shake the hand of an Australian player because the Australian is still friends with the Irishwoman’s former partner. Or something. This sort of TMZ-adjacent stuff is great for headlines, but only if it’s totally clear who’s who and how they all fit in the story. This one had too much, ‘Which one is she again?’ to get people interested.
And that’s it. No one else has done anything wild, or touched off an international incident, or scored 13 goals on an opponent and celebrated each one like Mardi Gras. The U.S. did that in the last World Cup. That had people around the world talking for days about sportsmanship versus killer instinct. Which is the power of a World Cup – it takes mere sport and transmutes it into universal themes.
After one pass through the opening round, there have been no real surprises.
Canada drawing with Nigeria? Minor surprise. France doing likewise with Jamaica? Same thing. The Philippines over New Zealand is a fun result, but New Zealand is no one’s idea of a great team. Everywhere else, the favourites are on the march.
This is the danger of a 32-team World Cup (or, in the case of the men’s tournament, a 48-team one). That for the first two weeks, nothing happens that you didn’t see coming a long way off.
As a result, the heat currently coming off the summer’s most anticipated sports event is more warming glow than molten core of the entertainment sun.
Eventually, this problem sorts itself out when the sports assume control. That begins to happen in the knockout rounds. And there is still plenty of time for some incident or another to grab global attention by the back of the neck.
Given the state of officiating so far, that’s a likely candidate. If Australia gets jobbed in the 94th minute of some coming contest by the Worst Call in Soccer History, it’s game on for World Cup 2023. One must trust to hope.
Barring that, a few upsets would be nice. FIFA’s pattern of constant expansion is based on the premise that traditional powers seldom lose in international soccer, and never in bunches. Since that’s where the money is, that’s what they care about.
It would be fun to see that business plan blow up on the sport’s governing body. For instance, a Japan-Colombia final instead of the U.S.-England ratings bonanza that sponsors want.
Either way, you will remember that game. Because it’ll be the earliest you’ve gotten up on a Sunday since maybe ever.
Cathal Kelly