The joke you wish you wrote: "Anything by Jon Dore, such as: My dad told me I was wasting his time the other day and I said, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean?'"
Who's funny: "I've been working on Ryan Belleville's new show and if you're ever in a room with him on a roll, you might just die of laughter. And you can't go wrong with the late, legendary Irwin Barker. The man was a hilarious genius."
The one thing about which you can never laugh about: "Ring around the collar. I have a very sweaty neck."
The one thing you can always spin into a joke: "Pretty much anything I did, said or wore in high school. Who hasn't grown out a perm and looked amazing the whole time?"
Best heckler putdown: "I have a gun."
Laurie Elliott hosts the East End Comedy Revue with Scott Thompson in Toronto, Nov. 6.